Skip to main content

A list of facts

I need these reminders, for when the gaslighting starts:

Dad was depressed. When he was awake, he was miserable. His inability to deal with his emotional issues is his alone. This has led to broken relationships and estrangements with my half-sisters and their families.

Andrew was abusive. When he was pinching my ass, it was sexual abuse. When Mum and Dad did not address it, or told me he wouldn't do it if I didn't react, this was also abusive. I deserved to be protected.

My mum did not protect me, and contributed to the trauma by shaming me for my body.

I was depressed as early as age 10 and this was not noticed or addressed in any way.

David was abusive. David continued to be abusive after I left by undermining my parenting and this has resulted in estrangement from my child.

I have CPTSD and this meant I was constantly triggered by Nathan's actions, esp his refusal to cooperate and when he would get physical with me.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ex

On my best days, I don't think of him at all.  On my worst days, I wish him dead. Disaster. Heartbreak. Financial ruin.  Death is the best thought. I would collect the life insurance money, and use it to get N some real help, outside of my home. I want a relationship with him, but I don't want him in the space that I've made safe. 
Post a Comment
Read more

On the Occasion of Mother's Day

Originally posted to FB  Hey! Mother's Day is next weekend! It's a loaded holiday for a lot of people. I'm already crafting a self care day to keep me occupied. Do you know a parent who might go unacknowledged next weekend? Make a plan TODAY to celebrate them. Find out if kids need support getting gifts, cards, etc. and make something happen for this parent.  I'm taking my small friend shopping on Wednesday. Her choices will be wacky and her mom will love it. (I'm backing this up with a CBD bath bomb) I can't ever think of a Mother's day where I felt acknowledged or supported in this role.  On my first mother's day I had to pack up me and 7-month old Kiddo to drive an hour each way so my mother-out-law could have her first mother's day as Nana. I think I bought myself bedsheets for the futon as my gift. Which was good because 6 months later it had become my bed in Kiddo's room. On my second mother's day I was in the process of extracting myse...
Post a Comment
Read more

Still True

 Goddamn FB memories. I wrote this a year ago: If you're ever tempted to tell me 'oh, he's a teenage boy; he'll come around' or 'all teenagers are like that', please spare me the profound pain. Not all teens are like *this*. Saying so completely dismisses the ten long years I co-parented with an abuser who actively undermined me and chipped away at my ability to parent, while i tried to recover from the 9 yr abusive relationship I had with him. Nevermind the call I once had to make to the cops to try and have my ex removed from my home when he showed up and told N that he didn't have to live with me if he didn't want to and started packing his stuff into the bags he'd brought. That was an obvious move but my relationship with Nathan was the result of ten solid years of having a terrible man poison him against me while I fucking fought to get Nathan everything he needed, including the space and affirmation to explore his gender. There's no way...
Post a Comment
Read more