Have I come full circle? Did I just start a blog like it's 2005 all over again?
Yes, yes I have.
No longer a mummy. Just 'worst mom ever'. A non-parent who is rediscovering what life is like when your kid rejects you (aka Early Onset Empty Nest Syndrome) and you realize that you've lived your whole life for other (abusive) people.
On my best days, I don't think of him at all. On my worst days, I wish him dead. Disaster. Heartbreak. Financial ruin. Death is the best thought. I would collect the life insurance money, and use it to get N some real help, outside of my home. I want a relationship with him, but I don't want him in the space that I've made safe.
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