Watching N navigate gender was eye-opening.
You mean...you can reject what you were assigned at birth? Who knew?!
Turns out you can. Holy shit! And as I affirmed him thru his various identities (even when the name Tord made me wince), I thought...maybe I'm not a girl/woman/female. Does this fit? Does this feel good?
Once he moved out, I finally had the space to consider it. What feels right? I mean, I could actually stop for a moment and think about what.feels.right. There's no way I had the space to consider this while parenting N and he would have accused me of copying him if I ever brought it up.
So, what fits? Being non-binary. I'm neither/nor. I have no more interest in being a man than I do in being a woman. I don't identify as either male or female and am not interested in the trappings that come with those identities.
Not much has really changed since this realization. I still use she/her, only because I'm not interested in spending my days asking people to use they/them and then correcting them when they fail. I still use my birth name because I can't think of anything else to use and because it's a fuck tonne of work to get people to adjust and I am not interested in adding more work to my life. I still have boobs* and a vagina; they did not disappear overnight. And I haven't found a way to really "come out" because do I have to come out? I made a minor announcement on FB to my close friend group months ago but I'm really just waiting for everyone else to catch on, or relying on the fact that my queer community sees me without me needing to announce myself.
Maybe one of these days I'll be able to address the coworkers who include me in the address 'hey ladies', or correct my boss when she refers to me using 'woman power'. For now, my identity doesn't need to be something I put on display at work only to have to explain it all.
*Ok, the boobs are being dealt with. I'm waiting on OHIP approval to reduce these fuckers to a D cup from a 38H.
You mean...you can reject what you were assigned at birth? Who knew?!
Turns out you can. Holy shit! And as I affirmed him thru his various identities (even when the name Tord made me wince), I thought...maybe I'm not a girl/woman/female. Does this fit? Does this feel good?
Once he moved out, I finally had the space to consider it. What feels right? I mean, I could actually stop for a moment and think about what.feels.right. There's no way I had the space to consider this while parenting N and he would have accused me of copying him if I ever brought it up.
So, what fits? Being non-binary. I'm neither/nor. I have no more interest in being a man than I do in being a woman. I don't identify as either male or female and am not interested in the trappings that come with those identities.
Not much has really changed since this realization. I still use she/her, only because I'm not interested in spending my days asking people to use they/them and then correcting them when they fail. I still use my birth name because I can't think of anything else to use and because it's a fuck tonne of work to get people to adjust and I am not interested in adding more work to my life. I still have boobs* and a vagina; they did not disappear overnight. And I haven't found a way to really "come out" because do I have to come out? I made a minor announcement on FB to my close friend group months ago but I'm really just waiting for everyone else to catch on, or relying on the fact that my queer community sees me without me needing to announce myself.
Maybe one of these days I'll be able to address the coworkers who include me in the address 'hey ladies', or correct my boss when she refers to me using 'woman power'. For now, my identity doesn't need to be something I put on display at work only to have to explain it all.
*Ok, the boobs are being dealt with. I'm waiting on OHIP approval to reduce these fuckers to a D cup from a 38H.
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